I talked last week about how postpartum depression caused me to question my entire identity. As a result, it forced me to ask myself where my security came from. This turned into a lot of observation, study and self reflection on insecurity with the hope that I could defeat it. To let the cat out of the bag, I don’t think any of us (myself included) are ever 100% secure ALL of the time. BUT, with a lot of prayer and serious self-reflection, I’ve begun to notice some patterns in my (and others’) behavior when security reigns supreme.
Insecurity sucks the life and love out of relationships. It can cause us to hurt others, treat them unfairly, and misinterpret true (and pure) intentions. Insecurity can turn us into selfish people and prevents us from loving others without portraying OR suspecting ulterior motives.
It’s this bummer of a truth that has made me passionate about digging deeper into the insecurity issue. I’ve written about insecurity in more detail here, here, and here, but today, I want to keep it simple.
If you’ve been working on becoming more secure in who you are, both for yourself, and your relationships, here are 3 Ways You Know You’ve Defeated Insecurity…
1. You Celebrate Others’ Success and Happiness
When times were the darkest for me, it was so difficult to be cheerful for others. This is humbling to admit. I struggled with small things from people’s highlight reels on Facebook to devastating depression when others were achieving dreams deep within my own heart. Now that my perspective has changed, I almost immediately notice my own insecurity when these feelings creep back in. When I feel secure with myself, I rejoice with friends and family (and even strangers!) when good things happen. I am genuinely excited for them when they share good news, achieve awesome goals, and are generally filled with happiness.
One of the biggest revelations that came during my “insecurity crisis” was that there is plenty of happiness and positivity to go around. Just because someone else is joyous, it does not mean there is less joy for me (or you!). In fact, another incredible discovery I had about security is that it tends to be contagious. Pretty cool stuff.
2. You Understand It’s Not About You
I’m not trying to burst your bubble, but the world doesn’t revolve around you. It revolves around ME. Do you know what I mean by that? We all have a Me-Centric point of view. And although that can sound egotistical and selfish, it’s simply the way we’re wired. It’s just a basic instinct in all of us to survive and thrive in this life. And that means that we communicate, interact, think, and behave in a way that places our own needs, desires and concerns at the forefront.
So when conflict or uncertainty arises in relationships, it helps tremendously to keep this in mind. If a friend of yours just boarded the crazy train and you’re freaking out, racking your brain to try to figure out what you did…Slow. Your. Roll. Chances are, it’s all about her.
If a co-worker is constantly talking about his achievements and flaunting his success in your face, it might tick you off. But relax; he isn’t thinking about you. It’s all about numero uno, baby.
I bring this point up, especially for the sensitive peeps. I am one of you. And I am always deeply concerned that I unintentionally offended or hurt someone. I usually take things pretty personally, even if it has nothing to do with me. Keeping this little gem in mind has saved me a lot of stock in Kleenex. 😉
3. Your Security Comes from a Deeper Place
When relationships get rocky, when our identity is questioned, there is really only One who can tell us EXACTLY who we are. When we can smile despite tough circumstances and bravely swim against the current, THAT is true security. I like to call it Holy Confidence. 1 Thessalonians 1:4 tells us that our God chose us. He formed us so intentionally in our mother’s womb (Psalms 139:13); He is so completely crazy about us, He declared us worthy to DIE FOR (1 John 4:10). If that isn’t security-on-a-silver-platter, then I don’t know what is.
It is when these truths are fresh, deep, and repeated regularly to my soul that my security is rock-solid. It’s knowing that no matter what this crazy world throws my way, I am created and loved by God, for a special and unique purpose. It’s knowing that nothing and no one can take that away. THAT is the ultimate security.
Finally, as with many things we discuss here, balance is key. Is it ideal to be fully secure each and every moment? Maybe. But to pressure ourselves to live up to that expectation is not. It is my hope that these 3 points can function as a blueprint to help determine if you, or the individual you are interacting with, is communicating or behaving from a place of security.
Perhaps the mere knowledge of what security looks like can bring us all to a deeper place of self-love and peace.