Definition of INSECURITY: Lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt
Insecurity is one of those terms that is usually thrown around with judgement and disdain toward others. It’s often accompanied by hushed whispers, gossipy conversations, and baffled on-lookers.
You see, the misleading thing about insecurities is that some have them, and others do not.
This is simply not true.
We ALL are insecure about SOMETHING(S), and with varying degrees of self sabotage.
I’ve been reflecting on this concept a lot lately and the way it affects my life and I wanted to bring you along on my journey. Insecurity is incredibly sneaky and it would like us to believe it’s fairly harmless, but I beg to differ.
Today I want to share WHY insecurity is so harmful. (If we don’t grasp this concept first, then the rest won’t matter, right?!) The following posts will be about WHERE it comes from, and WHAT we can do to try to beat the insecurities that lie within us.
Are you ready to get real and dig deep? (I’m mostly asking myself! Eek!)
Let’s do this! 🙂
This is the extremely elementary way my mind works…
Q: Why is it so harmful to be insecure or to have certain insecurities?
A: It is incredibly hurtful to you AND to others.
I think I always knew insecurities weren’t so great for me. But it didn’t dawn on me until recently that my own hang-ups could not only effect, but can truly HURT the people I care about. (I can be a slow learner. Don’t judge.) Let’s dive in a little further.
- Insecurity is a THIEF
I’m not really talking about the occasional HUMPH! in front of the mirror or the secret glance at your neighbor to see if he scored higher than you on that exam. This goes much deeper. If we revisit the definition above, the part that really stuck out for me was “lack of ASSURANCE.” Insecurity STEALS our God-given PURPOSE. Our TRUE identity. I’ve talked about purpose in length in previous posts, so I won’t elaborate much more than to say YOU are unique and one-of-a-kind! You were put here on earth for reasons that NO ONE else can fulfill. People- do you COMPREHEND how HUGE that is?! That is an honor and responsibility SO worth fighting for!
Insecurity is a DISTRACTION meant to keep you from living out all you are meant to be. (This was definitely a forehead smack moment for me.)
Insecurity steals your JOY in life. Again, it’s that whole distraction thing. If you’re so focused and worried about X,Y, or Z, chances are you are missing a pretty special moment. Insecurity swallows us up and forces us to be completely self-absorbed. I don’t know about you, but I find life much more fulfilling when I am thinking OUTSIDE of myself. Life is too short to not live it to its fullest.
- Insecurity is a silent offender
Once we are successfully blinded by our insecurities, it is so easy to fall down the rabbit hole. We get engulfed (obsessed, even) in our own troubles. In our heads, it often sounds like, “If only I can achieve this, have that, look like this, etc, etc…” only to realize that regardless of our circumstance, we are NEVER satisfied. We are chasing unattainable ideals that are always just a little bit out of reach. This toxic cycle distorts our view of not only ourselves, but often leads to hurting and offending others.
How? you ask. Good question! I think it can take on two forms- introverted and extroverted offending.
For the extroverted offender, this is often loud, attention-demanding, and meddling. An individual tends to overcompensate for being insecure by DESPERATELY trying to give the impression that he is anything but. When this happens, there is a complete disregard for others feelings. The extroverted offender is perhaps even OBLIVIOUS to the fact that others can be affected by his game-playing. This can get dangerous, very personal, and quite sad. What once was a private insecurity can suddenly interfere in another’s life in the most dramatic of ways.
The introverted offender runs the risk of thinking that her shit doesn’t stink (pardon the phrase, but we’re talking hard truth today). She may think that if she quietly stews about her issues and keeps her insecurities “to herself” then she isn’t harming anyone. (In fact, she assumes no one even notices!) This couldn’t be further from the truth! “Insecure Introverts” are VERY dependent on their CLOSE relationships. They may not be big on the social scene, but their deep relationships are very important to them. The more they wallow in their insecurities, the further away they drive the ones they love. If they’re not careful, it can create a serious wedge in a relationship and before they know it, they are isolated and alone. And their loved ones are baffled, pushed away, hurt, and confused.
Regardless of being an insecure introvert or extrovert, we ALL have relationships that are near and dear to us. If we are doing it right, these people love us UNCONDITIONALLY. They love us SO HARD, SO DEEPLY, that it TRULY saddens them to see us living in the shadows of insecurity. Our spouse, significant other, our parents, our best friends- THEY are our champions. When we don’t live life according to our CONFIDENT, SELF-ASSURED, CERTAIN purpose, it wounds them. Chances are, THEY see all the beautiful things in you that insecurity tries to hide. They want nothing more than for you to live fearless, peaceful, and happy.
I can’t think of any better reason to try and defeat insecurity.
PS- Stay tuned for Part 2: Insecurity- WHERE Did that Bastard Come From?